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We’ve lost the War on Amphibious Animals

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As if things didn’t look bleak enough in pants, the War on Animals took a major blow today. We all know that you are successfully keeping your foe down if they can’t join professional baseball. But now that there has been an amphibious pitcher, it’s only a matter of time before fully aquatic players’ unions force the game to be played entirely underwater.

We had no idea that all those other pitchers in MLB history only played with one arm.
We had no idea that all those other pitchers in MLB history only played with one arm.

And just to add insult to injury, his name’s Venditte. That’s right: “Tiny French Thirst for Vengeance.” He just admitted that he is a frog and always intended to set back both baseball and the human race from the very beginning.


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